Who is Initiating?

I’ve noticed how hard it is to initiate any kind of relationship, even when there’s genuine interest. I think we’re largely not great at it. And to be fair, there’s a lot of good reason for that.

Before meeting Cam, I had set myself apart for a period of time, intentionally turning away from those possibilities. I even prayed that God would hide me for a while. It was a sincere prayer. I knew what I needed but didn’t know how to do it by myself. So I was really depending on Him to help me. Meeting Cam a couple years later was jolting and surprising. I liked him a lot. But I had learned a lot as well. Learned a lot about myself.

I learned in my relationship with Jesus, He was the initiator, and I was the responder. So as my conversations with Cam progressed and I was experiencing all the feels, I remember confiding in a friend and we prayed. I asked the Lord to make things clear. I asked the Lord that Cam would lead and I wouldn’t have to guess. I wanted to be the responder, not the initiator, just like I was with Him.

Love is not without risk, but there’s a big difference in responding to someone who made their intentions plain, then ruminating over what everything means. Guarding your heart isn’t about never being vulnerable. It’s about using wisdom, choosing how you will move when you have good information.

I decided right then during that prayer that I would keep my heart diligently. It would remain in Jesus. I wasn’t going to be the pursuer. And that was an incredible blessing as my friendship with Cam progressed. Shortly thereafter, Cam called me one night and Jesus answered my prayer in a profound way. Cam laid heart out clearly. I didn’t have to guess how he felt or what he was thinking. He knew he wanted marriage and he asked if I would allow him to get to know my kids. I remember him saying, “I want them to trust me, and that’s going to take time and consistency.” I was in awe. Grateful is a weak way to describe how I felt in the year that followed.

This is one of the reasons dating is hard. It’s easy to understand why so many are discouraged and weary because it feels like you’re working hard for love without good results. I encounter so many people who’ve completely given up on meeting someone. Some have even given up on church. Feeling burned out by tradition and religion, always feeling like God or goodness is just something that’s not attainable….this is a sign you’ve become the initiator.

That devotion time you obsess over, feeling like you never get right, it may come when you allow Jesus to lead. Those things you’ve longed for, hiding them in your heart, only lifting them in silent cries, they become fulfilled first in Him, then often show up when you least expect them to and in the most unpredictable ways. Become that which you seek. Become whole. You will never regret that. Never. It’s attractive and magnetic and contagious, enabling others to also.

It’s way easier to respond to someone loving you than working tirelessly to convince someone they should.

Author: Stephanie Jackson