Parenting Millennials: March 25, 2017
“What I love most about America is how parents obey their children.” -Anonymous
This morning I came across a short video on FB showing different selfies of tourists visiting the Holocaust Memorial. A young Jewish man seeing all the poses, funny faces, and even upside down yoga stances took great offense to what he saw. Standing in the very place that 6 million innocent people died didn’t invoke tears, a moment of silence, or any solemn reflection. Where is the reverence in this generation? Where is the respect? Cam and I watched this video and felt such heartache and outrage. After watching the 2 minute video Cam looked at our 10 month old son, Caius and said, “Well son, this is the generation you have to lead.”
What a profound statement. My heart grieves knowing what direction we’re going in as people, as families, and as a nation. But I am more filled with inspiration and hope because I KNOW that we don’t have to believe the lie. The lie that says, “Just let go because the kids are going to do whatever they want to do anyway.” We are STILL parents. The ball is in OUR court. WE set the tone of our homes. WE guide the ship. WE create the environment. WE determine what is acceptable and what is not. Will they test the limits? Yes. Will they hate us at times? Yes. Will some even rebel against us? Yes. Does that mean we give up? NO!
We’re so busy trying to preserve relationship now rather than preserve their lives. We’re so busy looking at the short term, instead of the life they have to live long after we’re gone. Adulthood lasts so much longer than childhood. Are we preparing our children for that? It’s our job to raise leaders. It’s our job to mold good character. And it’s our job to live the example of the joy we wish their lives to be. We have a generation of young people who own a sense of entitlement and believe “struggle” is a bad word.
I’m not being insensitive. And I’m not standing in self-righteousness. I’m raising two teenagers and on any given day I’m tempted to lay down in my own frustration and exhaustion. And there have been days where I’ve ended the night in tears because I simply don’t know how to handle the next obstacle. But there isn’t an excuse good enough to let go of our children. Parenting alone is the hardest job on this planet. I honor you. But know this: YOU ARE ENOUGH! God chose our children for us. He entrusted them to you and in Him you are not alone.
Friends, don’t give up. Don’t even THINK about thinking about giving up! You don’t have to give your 15 year old daughter over to her first “serious” relationship. You don’t have to give your 10 year old a phone and social media access. You don’t have to give the 5 year old a tablet to play on just for a car ride. And you certainly don’t have to buy into the lie that since they’re 18 now, they’re an adult and free to make any choice they please. I’m not saying all of these are bad things or even the wrong choices. But be proactive and decide what you are going to allow and not allow. Talk about it. Keep talking about it. And then stand on it. And parents to adult children, you don’t have to bail them out of everything. Let. Them. Struggle. There are some things that can’t be purchased any other way. Things like, gratitude, humility, and a heart of compassion and understanding. Don’t steal these great assets from them. As I type this I’m slowing down, choosing my words carefully, while still trying to be bold enough to share my heart. I’m not yet a parent of an adult child. And life has taught me enough to show me there’s wisdom in not speaking about things I haven’t personally experienced.
Parenting is hard. But hold your position and don’t grow weary. Everything is working against what your trying to accomplish. Peers, puberty, and our culture. But here’s the thing working against us we rarely acknowledge. Our own conscience. Our own inner voice. Those whispers that tell us the kids shouldn’t be bogged down with homework AND chores. The whispers that remind us how hard it was when we were kids so we don’t want our kids to go without. Some of this is valid. But I notice we tend to go to the extreme opposite when given the chance to do better with our own children. If we had nothing, we give them everything. If our mother didn’t let us wear make up in high school, we make sure our daughter has a full contour set in middle school. If we had to do too many chores, we don’t give our kids any. What are we doing? Where is the logic in this? We make these irrational choices from a place that hasn’t been healed in us. We make these choices in fear. We have to start making choices from a place of victory and purpose. If we know where we’re going we can endure the journey a lot easier.
As I go through each passing day with teenage issues ever present, this I have learned. Through the bad attitudes, the pressing of limits and even sometimes blatant disrespect, there’s a sadness that follows every time they think they’ve disappointed us. That means something. That’s a good place to be. Stop trying to protect them from everything and protect them from themselves. Say no. Create and establish boundaries. Teach them the meaning of truth and grace. Mean what you say. Love without discipline, isn’t love at all. Fight for their lives. Raise a leader and send them down the path of purpose and it will be the greatest reward of your life. Even when they stray from that path, they will find it again. And you can know that your “NO”, helped get them there.
This morning I came across a short video on FB showing different selfies of tourists visiting the Holocaust Memorial. A young Jewish man seeing all the poses, funny faces, and even upside down yoga stances took great offense to what he saw. Standing in the very place that 6 million innocent people died didn’t invoke tears, a moment of silence, or any solemn reflection. Where is the reverence in this generation? Where is the respect? Cam and I watched this video and felt such heartache and outrage. After watching the 2 minute video Cam looked at our 10 month old son, Caius and said, “Well son, this is the generation you have to lead.”
What a profound statement. My heart grieves knowing what direction we’re going in as people, as families, and as a nation. But I am more filled with inspiration and hope because I KNOW that we don’t have to believe the lie. The lie that says, “Just let go because the kids are going to do whatever they want to do anyway.” We are STILL parents. The ball is in OUR court. WE set the tone of our homes. WE guide the ship. WE create the environment. WE determine what is acceptable and what is not. Will they test the limits? Yes. Will they hate us at times? Yes. Will some even rebel against us? Yes. Does that mean we give up? NO!
We’re so busy trying to preserve relationship now rather than preserve their lives. We’re so busy looking at the short term, instead of the life they have to live long after we’re gone. Adulthood lasts so much longer than childhood. Are we preparing our children for that? It’s our job to raise leaders. It’s our job to mold good character. And it’s our job to live the example of the joy we wish their lives to be. We have a generation of young people who own a sense of entitlement and believe “struggle” is a bad word.
I’m not being insensitive. And I’m not standing in self-righteousness. I’m raising two teenagers and on any given day I’m tempted to lay down in my own frustration and exhaustion. And there have been days where I’ve ended the night in tears because I simply don’t know how to handle the next obstacle. But there isn’t an excuse good enough to let go of our children. Parenting alone is the hardest job on this planet. I honor you. But know this: YOU ARE ENOUGH! God chose our children for us. He entrusted them to you and in Him you are not alone.
Friends, don’t give up. Don’t even THINK about thinking about giving up! You don’t have to give your 15 year old daughter over to her first “serious” relationship. You don’t have to give your 10 year old a phone and social media access. You don’t have to give the 5 year old a tablet to play on just for a car ride. And you certainly don’t have to buy into the lie that since they’re 18 now, they’re an adult and free to make any choice they please. I’m not saying all of these are bad things or even the wrong choices. But be proactive and decide what you are going to allow and not allow. Talk about it. Keep talking about it. And then stand on it. And parents to adult children, you don’t have to bail them out of everything. Let. Them. Struggle. There are some things that can’t be purchased any other way. Things like, gratitude, humility, and a heart of compassion and understanding. Don’t steal these great assets from them. As I type this I’m slowing down, choosing my words carefully, while still trying to be bold enough to share my heart. I’m not yet a parent of an adult child. And life has taught me enough to show me there’s wisdom in not speaking about things I haven’t personally experienced.
Parenting is hard. But hold your position and don’t grow weary. Everything is working against what your trying to accomplish. Peers, puberty, and our culture. But here’s the thing working against us we rarely acknowledge. Our own conscience. Our own inner voice. Those whispers that tell us the kids shouldn’t be bogged down with homework AND chores. The whispers that remind us how hard it was when we were kids so we don’t want our kids to go without. Some of this is valid. But I notice we tend to go to the extreme opposite when given the chance to do better with our own children. If we had nothing, we give them everything. If our mother didn’t let us wear make up in high school, we make sure our daughter has a full contour set in middle school. If we had to do too many chores, we don’t give our kids any. What are we doing? Where is the logic in this? We make these irrational choices from a place that hasn’t been healed in us. We make these choices in fear. We have to start making choices from a place of victory and purpose. If we know where we’re going we can endure the journey a lot easier.
As I go through each passing day with teenage issues ever present, this I have learned. Through the bad attitudes, the pressing of limits and even sometimes blatant disrespect, there’s a sadness that follows every time they think they’ve disappointed us. That means something. That’s a good place to be. Stop trying to protect them from everything and protect them from themselves. Say no. Create and establish boundaries. Teach them the meaning of truth and grace. Mean what you say. Love without discipline, isn’t love at all. Fight for their lives. Raise a leader and send them down the path of purpose and it will be the greatest reward of your life. Even when they stray from that path, they will find it again. And you can know that your “NO”, helped get them there.
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